He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
