please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
