dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize