Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
