haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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