Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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