Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
