why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize