I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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