Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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