i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
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Even water is tasting like jack daniels
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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