I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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