the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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