I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
