sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
