You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
