have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I forget how to act sober
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