I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
