did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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