he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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