Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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