Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
