I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm too high and old for this...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
