so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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