When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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