i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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