Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
