Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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