My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
