Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
