I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Come on in and take your pants off
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