if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
