we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
