We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
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speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
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