whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
