At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize