i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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