Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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