I puked a lego.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
