actually, I'm a sock model
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You are the jesus of drinking
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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