So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
