OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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