If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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