He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
True college students do jello shots in the library
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
