i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
