we're chasing vodka with high fives
operation harelip BJ is a go
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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