I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Two words: nipple clamps
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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