cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
