I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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