is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
