i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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