I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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