Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
But break dance skills will only take you so far
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Enjoy the penises
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
