My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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