nut hugger
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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