going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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