Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
