someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
