sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
