Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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