I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
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Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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