i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
