I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
