I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
